March 24, 2017
Steve is gone but Jenn is here;
And Shea is drunk on 10% beer.
All through the show we laugh and sing;
And make jokes about gross dingalings.
Each story is better than the last;
For as Big Gay Jim decrees;
“It’s good to be a patreon!” umm.. ees...
Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Yarylo (the Slavic god of Springtime) hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!
Shea’s Life Lesson
This week I learned how to go extreme couponing, I only had one coupon and it had expired a few weeks ago, but I did stab somebody.
Jenn’s Actual Lesson
Did you know that Foxe’s Book of Martyrs (a gruesomely detailed account of the tortures inflicted upon Protestants by the Catholic Church) was first published in 1563 and has not been out of publication since?
But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!
This Week’s Beer
Tongue Buckler - Imperial Red Ale | Ballast Point Brewing Company
- BA Link: http://bit.ly/2nJTZYC
- BA Rating: 87
- Style: American Amber / Red Ale
- ABV: 10%'
- Aaron: 5
- Jenn: 4
- Shea: 5
This Week’s Show
Round Table Discussion
Cai is back as a Patron! AND WE MISSED YOU!
If you be as bad-ass a Cobra-Cai you should visit http://patreon.com/w4w
for a show that includes two extra stories this week — and the last one is … I mean, wow.
A correction from Matt & Tim
sent us a correction - turns out the Muslim Brotherhood and Hamas might actually get along. We thought they were Suni’s vs. Shiites … or Jews maybe. We were wrong. In our defense, “Hamas” sounds kinda Hebrew…
Also, in working with Matt & Tim over at Atheism 101
for a yet to be announced thing that we’ll announce eventually, Shea and I realized something… By our powers combined, we’re basically one complete Matt.
We tried to figure out who’s Tim, but he’s done more sit-ups than
Today’s Bible lesson: It’s a bad idea to use the good book to smuggle drugs into jail.
“We search every item that is brought into the jail, and the property officer noticed something wrong. There was a bulge in the back cover of the Bible,” Lee County Sheriff Jim Johnson told the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal. “We cut it open and found a powdery substance.”
Courtney Ford, 30, of Nettleton has been charged with possessing an illegal drug and trying to bring contraband into the jail.
Ezell said Stephen Jason Estes, 41, of Plantersville, had been sentenced to 40 years in prison, but with 34 suspended, and was awaiting transfer to a state prison when the Bible was left for him.
“We know he knew about it because that day, he kept asking where his Bible was, even before she dropped it off,”
Let's just clear something up right now - we stole all those jokes from ... somewhere. Also, I'm pretty confident I fucked up the one about Jesus fishing something terrible. In case it's unclear, this show is modeled after a bunch of friends at a bar — and we're nothing if not dedicated to our craft... also, wow that beer was strong! ~ Aaron
Oklahoma state Senator and creepy looking uncle Ralph Shortey was recently charged for soliciting sex from an underage boy.
Greg Mashburn, Cleveland County’s District Attorney, filed charges against Senator Shortey on the 16th of March including engaging in prostitution within 1000 feet of a church (that’s an odd one), child prostitution, and transporting a minor for prostitution
Ralph decided to pick up a 17-year-old male for a quick fling at a Super 8 motel where he got the kid stoned on a bit of pot before beginning his sexual tryst with the boy.
Nothing says “family values” like paying teenagers for sex. Shortey was also chair of the Trump campaign in the state. So much for “extreme vetting”.
This headline had to be trimmed for time reasons (and because it was just the right size... hehe), if you want to her it and a fucking crazy stupid funny extra story head over to http://patreon.com/w4w
In another case of religious leaders not understanding the Streisand effect, the Mormon Church tried to stop MormonLeaks from publishing an internal PowerPoint presentation, so that means everyone now gets to see this slide of things Church leaders believe are leading people away from the Gospel.
Mormonleaks lawyers had this to say
“Even if my client were to never lay eyes or fingers upon it again, it would still be disseminated worldwide. You tried to blow out a single candle, but in the process, you knocked it over into a field of dried leaves. You may have extinguished that initial flame. However, your attempted censorship simply caused the document to be further reproduced and redistributed that even a hypothetical divine being could not possibly undo the dissemination
If you really believe that this document needs to be shielded from public view, perhaps you should ask yourself why that is. I imagine that any efforts to keep your inner workings under wraps would be more of an indictment of how the LDS church is doing things than any criticism it could suffer by release of this earthly document.”
In short, your efforts so far have backfired. Further efforts will backfire more.
This Week’s Stories
Because any week that I have trouble finding a story, Southern states always come through with something awful. This week the Texas senate passed SB 125. Any guesses on what it may entail?
Per the Huffington Post
“Senate Bill 125...prevents parents from suing their medical provider if their baby is born with disabilities, even if that doctor discovered the condition during routine prenatal testing and failed to inform the parents.”
It’s being touted as a ‘sanctity of life’ bill. Basically, broken down, it allows doctors to withhold pertinent information from parents, legally.
‘The architects of the so-called “wrongful-birth” bill have argued it would protect children with disabilities and prevent doctors from facing unnecessary lawsuits. “It is unacceptable that doctors can be penalized for embracing the sanctity of life,” Senator Brandon Creighton (R-TX) said in a press release when he introduced the legislation last fall’
The final vote passed 21-9 and was pretty much split along the party lines. Sen. Jose Rodriguez argued against the bill: ““It seems to be all about restricting and further limiting a woman’s right to exercise her choice as to what she’s going to do in the case of serious defects in the fetus, congenital defects in the fetus,
The Blondrog Cometh... http://lat.ms/2ndb9yF
Tomi Lahren, the blonde poster girl of the conservative movement and host of her own commentary talk show (called Tomi *eye roll*) on ‘The Blaze’ has really upset her side of the aisle.
You may have seen Tomi touting her special brand of conservative sorority girl political speak. She has been a guest on (of course) Fox News, The Daily Show and, most recently, The View. It was her appearance on The View that has created this most recent kerfluffle.
Tomi refers to herself as a “constitutional conservation” and is an outspoken proponent of smaller government. (She also acknowledges that she is referred to as ‘White Power Barbie’.) Surprisingly, when chatting with the women of The View, she actually made an understandable comparison when she states, “I’m pro-choice. You can stay out of my guns and you can stay out of my body.
It took practically no time for the right to lose their goddamn minds. Her show has been canceled for at least a week and Glenn Beck (her evil sorcerer mentor) chided her for being “intellectually dishonest”.
Now, I am NOT here to voice support for TL. She’s a young, attractive megaphone for the alt-right and their bigoted, anti-intellectual viewpoints. And being used to entice ‘new blood’ into this movement... well, she sucks. She jumped on the BLM = KKK and that sitting during the pledge of Allegiance is traitorous. But I have to say this is one of the few things that I’ve heard from conservative pundits that is actually not hypocritical cognitive dissonance. And they are not letting her get away with such shenanigans.
But she’s not going down without a fight. Maybe? I’m not sure. Anyway, this is what she tweeted in rebuttal: “No one hunts small deer, this too shall pass.”
Theresa Bartram, from Brighton, suffered from stress incontinence after giving birth and struggled with confidence in the bedroom. The 50-year-old had gone without sex for seven years until she was referred for an operation to lift her prolapsed bladder using a plastic mesh sling called a transvaginal tape (TVT) to stop her leaking. It worked and sex was better than ever – until two years later in 2009 when she almost sliced off the end of her partner’s manhood.
“It was like it had grown teeth,” she recalled. “His willy was bright red and spouting blood. There was a big red stain spreading between us on the sheets. “After that he was scared of my lady garden and approached it as if it was a Venus flytrap and he was a bluebottle.
Theresa was sure her fella’s gory injury had been caused by the mesh she could feel inside her.
But every time she saw her doctor she was assured it was working just fine.
Theresa and her partner avoided sex as they were too scared to try again – and six months later they ended up splitting.
Want to find out what happened to the penis's in the woods ... of course you do! Check it out at http://patreon.com/w4w
Next Week's Beer
Nut Hugger Brown | Upland Brewing Company
Faith In Humanity Restored
Thanks to listener Donovan for sharing this with us via Twitter!
Six Year Old Girl Gives Up Having A Birthday Party And Presents To Feed 125 Homeless People!
Armani Crews of Chicago let her parents know that for her 6th birthday she didn’t want a party with friends, she wanted to feed the homeless. When her dad warned she wouldn't get any presents, she replied, "That's okay. As long as they can eat, I'm fine."
Her mother offered to have them hand out sandwiches, but she insisted that they serve the menu that had been planned for the party: chicken, fish, spaghetti, pizza and mashed potatoes.
They also collected bottled water and fruits and as word began to spread put together care packages, each with everyday essentials like toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, hand sanitizer, and protein bars
Armani helped put together these packages every night and got more and more excited for her birthday. The day of, March 8, Armani wore a tiara and a smile as she stood with other volunteers to hand out hot meals and care packages.
About 125 people were lined around the block.
"It was a beautiful thing to see and a blessing," her mother said. "One man told us that he hadn't had a hot meal in a long time."
The family plans to make the gesture a family tradition and host more food drives in the future.
Bonus Cat Video
Women: Know Your Limits! Harry Enfield - BBC comedy - http://bit.ly/2ndndQl
Adventure Time Sandwich - http://bit.ly/2ndjthQ
Nerf John Wick - http://bit.ly/2njdrOv
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